Overwhelm During Divorce and Life Change: What to Do When Everything Feels Too Much

eve stanway - divorce and break up coach

I help individuals and couples navigate the challenges of separation and of staying together. Want to book a call? Please click below.

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Summary

Overwhelm is more than stress.

It is the moment when everything converges. Decisions, demands, emotions, and expectations arrive all at once, and we find ourselves stretched so thin that the smallest interruption can cause us to unravel.
 
It happens to almost all of us during a divorce or major life transition. And it is no surprise.
According to a study by the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale, divorce is the second most stressful life event after the death of a spouse (Holmes and Rahe, 1967). It disrupts every domain of life: financial, emotional, relational, practical. The psychological load is immense.
 
In my work as a divorce and breakup coach, I regularly support clients who are balancing
 
• Legal and financial negotiations
• Parenting challenges
• Work commitments
• Emotional fallout
• High conflict communication with an ex
• A sense of identity collapse or loss of future dreams
 
This creates what psychologists call cognitive overload. The brain simply has too much to process and begins to shut down non-essential functions such as planning, problem solving, and regulating emotions (Sweller, 1988). In plain terms, everything feels harder.
 
So, what can you do in that moment when it all feels like too much?
 
Here is what I tell my clients. Here is what I remind myself.
 
1. Your brain cannot function well in fight or flight so come back to your body
 
Overwhelm activates the sympathetic nervous system. Heart rate increases. Breath becomes shallow. Thinking narrows. It is a survival response and it is not designed for admin, parenting, or planning.
 
Begin with this simple practice
 
• Sit or stand with your feet firmly on the floor
• Breathe in for four counts, hold for four, breathe out for six
• Repeat three times, ideally with eyes closed
• Say quietly to yourself, I am here. I am safe. I can do this
 
Grounding calms the nervous system and brings the rational brain back online.
 
2. Reduce the noise. Not everything is urgent
 
One of the most dangerous myths of overwhelm is that everything must be done now. That is rarely true.
I recommend a simple triage method
 
• Must means there is a real consequence if not done today
• Should means it is important but no immediate consequence
• Could means it can wait, be delegated, or dropped
 
Most people I work with try to treat every task as a must. No wonder burnout follows.
 
Start with one. Not all.
 
3. Remember high conflict communication is a known stressor
 
If your ex-partner is argumentative, accusatory, or reactive, it is important to know this
 
You are not overreacting. Studies show that high conflict co-parenting significantly increases stress levels and can have a lasting impact on psychological wellbeing (Johnston et al, 2009).
 
You have a right to protect your peace. That means
 
• Choosing when and how you respond
• Using written communication wherever possible
• Limiting interactions to logistics only
• Practising a pause and plan technique before replying
 
You do not have to attend every argument you are invited to.
 
4. Speak your overwhelm aloud
 
Naming the experience out loud can interrupt the shame cycle.
 
Say
This is overwhelm
This is not failure. This is too much all at once
 
Often, we internalise the pressure as a sign we are not coping. In truth, the problem is rarely you. The problem is the load.
 
5. Small wins shift the tide
 
When you cannot do everything, do something
I call it one small thing
 
Clear one email
Make one call
Walk to the front gate and breathe in the light
 
Small action is a form of self-respect. It reminds your nervous system that motion is possible and it builds momentum from the inside out.
 
Final Thought: Overwhelm is not weakness. It is a message
 
Overwhelm says something needs space
Something needs support
Something needs to shift
 
You do not have to carry it alone
You do not have to fix everything today
What gets done will get done
There is more courage in slowing down than in pretending to cope
 
If any part of this resonates with you, or if you are finding your way through a season of too much, you are not alone.
 
My book, Conversations at the Shoreline, offers gentle guidance for navigating difficult conversations with clarity and courage. You can explore it in your own time, in your own way.
 
Or, if it feels right, you are welcome to reach out. I work with individuals and couples who are walking through transition and looking for steadier ground.
 
With warmth and care
Eve Stanway
Breakup and Divorce Coach | Difficult Conversations Expert
 

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eve stanway - divorce and break up coach

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If you find yourself facing similar challenges in your divorce, consider how a strategic approach and the support of a divorce coach can pave the way to a more positive resolution. Schedule a free 20-minute discovery call to explore how we can assist you in navigating your divorce with confidence and clarity, ensuring your financial resources are preserved for building a hopeful future.

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