Then his parents separated. His father, never particularly interested in Charlie’s dinosaur obsession, had even less patience now. When Charlie tried to share a new fact, his father barely looked up from his phone. “I’m tired, mate. Maybe later.”

Later never came.

Charlie learned to stop talking.

His mother noticed the change first. When he came home from his dad’s house, he was quieter, withdrawn. She asked if something had happened, but he just shrugged.

“It’s nothing.”

But it was something.

This is what happens when a child is raised by a parent who lacks emotional empathy. It is not always about cruelty or neglect—it is often about absence. A gap where warmth should be. A silence where there should be curiosity. A child learning that their inner world does not matter.

How an Emotionally Overwhelmed Parent Can Lose Empathy

Empathy is not just about listening; it is about attuning—seeing a child’s emotions and meeting them where they are. Some parents struggle with this naturally, but others lose the ability due to emotional overwhelm.

After a breakup or divorce, a parent may be consumed by financial stress, legal disputes, or personal heartbreak. They may feel stretched thin, running on empty, unable to process their own emotions, let alone their child’s.

An emotionally overwhelmed parent may:

Be distracted or disengaged – When their child expresses sadness or anxiety, they respond with, “Not now, I have too much to deal with.”

Minimise emotions – If the child is upset, they say, “You will be fine, don’t make a big deal out of it.”

Struggle to offer comfort – They may freeze when their child cries, unsure what to do, or tell them to “toughen up.”

Become irritable and impatient – Reacting with frustration instead of understanding when the child is emotional.

This kind of parenting does not come from malice—it comes from depletion. A parent who is drowning cannot be expected to pull someone else to shore.

The Unspoken Struggles of Divorce

When two parents have vastly different levels of empathy, the emotional landscape after divorce can be difficult to navigate.

The Less Empathic Parent’s Struggle

For the parent who already finds emotional connection difficult, single parenting can feel overwhelming. Without the other parent to help bridge the emotional gap, they may struggle to:

Know what their child enjoys – Without curiosity, they may not remember their child’s favourite toy, subject, or hobby.

Soothe distress – If their child is upset, they may respond with discomfort or avoidance rather than comfort.

Understand emotional needs – When their child withdraws, they may assume they are fine rather than recognising loneliness or sadness.

Build connection – Interactions may remain practical and surface-level rather than fostering emotional closeness.

They may not even realise there is a problem—until their child starts turning to the other parent for everything.

The More Empathic Parent’s Struggle

On the other hand, the empathic parent faces a different kind of hardship. They know their child needs emotional support, and they worry that they are not getting it when they are with the other parent.

“Is my child being comforted when they are sad?”

“Are their feelings being dismissed?”

“Are they learning that emotions do not matter?”

This fear can become consuming. They may overcompensate when their child returns, giving extra warmth and reassurance, but feeling helpless about what happens when they are not there.

Both parents struggle, but in completely different ways. One struggles to provide emotional support. The other struggles knowing their child may not receive it.

What This Looks Like for the Child

Charlie is not alone in his silence. Children raised by less empathic parents often experience:

Low self-worth – They believe their emotions are unimportant or annoying.

Emotional suppression – Since their feelings are dismissed, they stop expressing them.

Anxiety and hypervigilance – Always scanning for rejection or withdrawal.

Relationship difficulties – Struggling with trust and emotional vulnerability in adulthood.

A child does not stop having emotions when they are ignored—they simply stop sharing them.

How to Navigate This Dynamic

If you are the more empathic parent, you cannot control what happens in the other home, but you can:

1. Validate your child’s feelings – Instead of saying, “I know your dad/mum does not listen,” say, “That must have been hard. Tell me about it.”

2. Teach emotional literacy – Name feelings and help your child process their experiences.

3. Reassure them – “Your feelings are important, even if some people do not always understand them.”

4. Let go of what you cannot change – Focus on making your home a safe emotional space.

If you are the parent who struggles with empathy, small steps can make a difference:

Practice listening – Instead of dismissing, pause and say, “That sounds tough. Tell me more.”

Engage with their interests – Ask about their hobbies, favourite things, and experiences.

Offer comfort, even if it feels unnatural – A simple, “I am here for you,” can go a long way.

Seek support – Parenting resources, therapy, or even books on emotional development can help.

The Power of One Safe Parent

The good news? A child does not need both parents to be deeply empathic to grow up emotionally secure. One safe, emotionally available parent is enough to anchor a child. Even if the other parent is distant, indifferent, or struggles to connect, the warmth of one parent can be the foundation a child needs.

Charlie’s mother kept asking him about dinosaurs, even when he gave short answers. She sat with him when he was quiet, letting him know he did not have to talk—but she was there when he was ready.

One night, after weeks of silence, Charlie finally spoke.

“Did you know that Spinosaurus could swim?”

His mother smiled.

“I did not know that. Tell me more.”

And he did.